A tale.. (xxwideeyesxx) wrote,
A tale..

So, I'm going to explain myself further.. or maybe answer my own fucking question.

Yet again. Guess who's sitting in her room feeling bad about herself because she's eating herself into oblivion? HMM. Ding Ding. The more obsessed with my own weight I get, the more I observe others in large places. The more I pay attention to the things they do; Their habits. The way people walk. The way people interact with one another.. and most importantly, the way that strangers, people I've never seen before in my entire life, look at me. What I see in their eyes. What it is that their eyes show. Sometimes, it isnt even a stranger. It's a person you went to highschool with who just happens to walk by your table while you're helping your sister sell baby clothes.
I don't know what it is about today. Or right now. But, I feel like I've lost something. I feel like I'm missing some part of my life.
And you know what the worst part is? As I write this, I'm sitting here, in my room. the AC is blasting, the TV is on POTC1 and my brain is saying, "You know that tomorrow, none of what you just wrote in your live journal last night even means anything. Just eat the eggs, hash and velveeta cheese heart attack. What's one more meal."

I don't know what to do.

I am helpless.
I am weak.
I am lost.
I am meek.

I am angry.
I am worried.
I am stupid.
I am alone.

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